The Triumvirate
' Oxford Dictionary Definition - '''Triumvirate: '''1' a group of three powerful or important people or things. 2''' (in Ancient Rome) a group of three men holding power. Which is strange, because the Triumvirate Jagex made sounds absolutely nothing like it. What would have followed is a quotation from the Guide in the Triumvirate section of the RuneScape forums, but instead of a guide there are several tl;dr paragraphs which appear to be copied straight from a bootleg copy of ''War and Peace. ''Anyway, The '''Triumvirate is Jagex's largely failed attempt for a community game which doesn't involve the lagged-up disaster that is RuneScape itself. The thing is, not unlike Battlestar Galactica, the whole thing is so overly serious and ridiculous that after about 10 minute it needs to switch to a clip of a kitten in a hat, just to ease the tension. The Triumvirate mainly appeals to those weak-minded individuals who are uncomfortable doing anything unless there are 73 other people doing exactly the same thing, like a herd of particularly unintelligent buffalo, except more obese. The Triumvirate is essentially dark matter with a hat and a tricolour circle in the middle - no one knows why its there, what its meant to prove or what happens if people use it, don't use it, or simply heckle its existence. It was probably spawned by a bored developer who wanted a way to keep the addicted 13 year old boys busy without going out the way to make extra game content, which they are...paid millions a year by customers to do. Funny that. The Three Factions The 'factions' are what generally Jagex were getting at when they called it a Triumvirate, except that being Jagex they can't do anything right really, which is why the definition at the top of the page doesn't say "three important or powerful groups". Nitwits. The Lords: The group of choice for elitist, middle class pricks, or those with "very wealthy mummies and daddies", these are the fewest in number, mainly because they read this, realised just what an elitist twat they are and quit. Sadly, this hasn't actually happened. The Judges: 'Now, no one is sure why judges would be taking part in forming a faction, when really they are happiest in a courtroom miscarrying justic in favour of those who bribe them most. These are the 'Guthix' in the overly forced, artificial Saradomin/Guthix/Zamorak that applies to almost EVERYTHING in RuneScape. '''The Reavers: ' Similar to how in Soul Wars the red team is overpopulated due to "destruction is kewwwl" kiddies, the Reavers is the favorite faction of brattish teenagers, those who genuinely think getting a shoddy tattoo is 'rebelling against the system' and often listen to trashy bands like Bullet for my Valentine, ''confusing 'being awesome' with 'listening to bands aimed at 16 year old girls'. Tragically, these are highest in number, but hilariously lowest in average age, both mental and physical. Triumvirate related events Being academically unintelligent and being daft aren't the same thing, which are handy for Jagex being they CERTAINLY aren't daft. After discovering the popularity the Triumvirate got from the buffalo players, they thought they could take people's minds off actual content updates by announcing Triumvirate related shit instead. And they were right. ''See also - Decision Time - What do Jagex want? If what MMG says about having a 'choob' account (a desperate attempt to sound 'in' with the players and their inpenetrable universe of jargon, anyone actually caught using such terms should be jailed for 20 years, or 10 if they plead guilty, or 5 for good behaviour, which shows just what a shambles the crime and punishment system is, really.) that has a combat level of around 100, then he has probably had bad experiences with the noobs himself. In revenge, he got the managers of the Triumvirate to announce random PvP wars '''for no reason whatsoever. '''Of course it is common knowledge that most of the noobs never end up being one of the very high levels, they get lured to the red portal at around Combat 105, lose all their items and ragequit. The majority of such noobs buffalo over to these PvP wars, get mullered, ragequit, and nothing of value was lost. For those not stupid enough to risk their banks, (but definitely stupid enough to follow all this Triumvirate crap) Jagex announced another long awaited and meaningful Triumvirate faction war, but not in PvP, in Soul Wars instead. Basic math pointed out an immediate flaw - Soul Wars is '''2 sided but there are 3''' factions. (Although in all fairness they probably just round-robinned it, despite the glaringly obvious sub-problem of people getting bored and leaving.) ''One problem that wasn't as easily resolved was massive lag, which Jagex aren't aware of due to not playing their own game for more than 2 minutes on a public server, where it actually lags ''(and not on some refined moderator server where theres a grand total of 5 people playing usually, bit of a difference there) ''RuneScape lags at the most ideal of conditions, stick a thousand people in a small area and you're asking for trouble, really. How the Triumvirate works - gaining "influence" Despite Jagex repeatedly banging on about "art of war" no one had a bloody clue what is was all about. The first post on the Guide+FAQ is just plain gibberish that appears to be mentioning of as much relevance to the subject the average ''Daily Star headline. The idea is, you have to gain "influence" by doing certain things. Now, this "influence" is shrouded in mystery, as anyone who looks at it from a third person view will be struck with the realisation that they have no idea what its used for. Despite this mystery, there are 4 ways to gain "influence". 'Competitions/Challenges: '''Basically, have your group or faction or whatever get really good at something, challenge some other sucks to it and get easy "influence" because they'll obviously lose. Cheap, but it works. '''Army: '''Basically, just herd up some buffalo. Nothing to it, a bit like the average person's head whos taking part in this really. '''Individuals: '(Quoted directly) "Each individual user that signs up to an organisation will contribute towards that clans influence. Individuals and Army are separate so not everyone in a clan needs to sign up to a specific organisation should their clan join and they choose not to." In other words, I have no fucking clue. '''Special: Jagex almost knew corruption regarding being buddies with the mods would crop up, so they limited this method to a point per awarding. Corruption is bad enough with the whole Player Mods 'n' Price Manipulation Clans issue. What "influence" actually does Typical of Jagex. You make a great big convoluted community game and don't even explain how the points system works until years later. After skimming past the POINTLESS picture of the RuneScape combat triangle... "By now we have hopefully made the basics of the organisations clear to you" Fuck me, you probably have. Pass the headache tablets. "This total influence score is made up of points" OHH, SO INFLUENCE IS JUST A FANCY WORD FOR POINTS! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY? Anyway, once again it comes down to buffalo herding. Each buffalo that joins gains 1 point for the herd, a herd that exceeds a certain amount of buffalo gets extra points. Now, they explain the Competitions and Challenges. "Any official of an organisation can initiate a challenge with another organisation. These challenges can be pretty much anything, from an in-game/forum debate through to an all out PvP war" So basically, either a slanging match (unless its Lords vs Judges, at that point its the Prime Ministerial Debate) or a "the more level 130s you have, the better" because they can risk their stuff, because they got a ton of it, and others can't. Don't want to lose your items? WE WIN! Official challenges are basically the same thing but instead of being massively inconvienient for one side, its massively inconvienient for both. At the end of that section of the FAQ, no one still knows what influence does. Typical. And at this point, my tub of headache tablets is running perilously low, so I wisely abandon my quest for knowledge, unless I fancy trying to get to sleep with a massive thumping headache. Its just not worth it. Losing influence Because you CAN lose what you don't understand, if that actually means anything. Of course, they make sure to mention 'the others in your faction won't be very happy if you lose their points' and its very accurate - RuneScapers are well known for becoming absolutely furious over nothing. Leaving an organisation: '''Well, thats a bit obvious now, isn't it. QUICK FACT: Dogs have 4 legs. '''Challenges: Fail and lose points. Simple. Major Forum Rule Breaking: This is why the Reavers never win, because they think they are entitled to spamming the forums with their half-arsed 'faction ideals' which are fuck-all, basically. Active Defiance: See also - Richard Desmond. In all fairness, each of these ways of losing points influence points is absolutely and completely bleeding obvious, although obvious doesn't mean unavoidable, especially when a bunch of elitist Combat 130+ Lords challenge your group of noobs to an all-out PvP war, they've essentially done a 100 POINTS GET! with a cheap but legal trick. One way that you can't lose influence is by being a massive idiot. Which is very handy for the below people... "If I join the Lords does that mean I can become a Moderator?" - 'You just couldn't make this shit up, really. "'Reavers sound cool, are we allowed to break the rules?" - 'THE REAVER FACTION IN A NUTSHELL '"My clan is a skilling clan, we don't want to fight in an army"'' - If you don't want to fight things, don't play a fucking game with swords and dragons then, you planks. All from the FAQ. Which means they are Frequently Asked Questions. Which means...bloody hell. Summary Throughout a very long Guide/FAQ and 15 stickies, there is absolutely no explanation of what gaining points actually does, so the last resort to all this is basically a wild guess. Get more points than the other 2 factions and you win. And if you win, you get nothing, which renders the whole thing absolutely... '''POINTLESS.'